just once more

I'd like to be pregnant just once more.

I'd like to see a plus sign

on a pregnancy test and do a dance of joy on the bathroom floor.

I'd like to tell my husband, "We did it," and see the joy on his face.

Just once more,

I'd like to feel my clothes grow tighter and let that make me smile.

I'd like to tell my son there's a tiny baby in my tummy,

a brother or a sister for us to love.

Just once more,

I'd like to feel the movement inside me,

and try to guess which body part is pressing on my ribs.

I'd like to feel the gentle nudge of a baby's hiccups in my guts.

I'd like to take my son's hand, and place it precisely on my skin, where it ripples and undulates.

I'd like to peer over my stomach to find my toes, and watch my belly button turn inside out.

Just once more, I'd like to see a soul with a new body and a new name. 

Just once more,

I'd like to hold a child at my breast and feel the milk let down,

ready to nourish and comfort.

I'd like to feel my breasts heavy and uncomfortable,

so full the milk squirts out when I take a warm shower. 

I'd like to hold that child to my chest and rock and sing.

I'd like, just once more, to feel my shirt wet,

warm and sticky from milk too ready to pour.

Just once more, I'd like to let love multiply.

sekian...
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